Okay, okay, I know

Yes, I know it's been forever since I've updated.

I'm sorry.

Busy, new child, etc. etc.

Hopefully, more consistent updates from here on out.

Here's one now!

Life, After Jumping Off the Edge

So, this month is a special anniversary for me. Yes, Lydia's birthday is this month, but that's not the one I'm referring to. What I am referring to is that this month, one year ago, is the last time I received a paycheck of any sort.

It's quite crazy to think about. It has now been an entire year since I have worked at a job for a hourly wage or commission.

I remember how, when I was living in that world, I was terrified of living off of support. In fact, that was pretty much the one thing that kept holding me back. I mean, what isn't there to love about the missions life? I work with people every day who are hoping to get closer to Jesus, and I can help them do that. I invest energy into things that I feel are worthwhile and have eternal value. I get to do something meaningful with my life. I get to live and work with my family. Really, the only bad thing about it is the pay.

I mean, its not like I haven't experienced it both ways. I lived for a year in missions before, and let me tell you, I did not enjoy any aspect of the financial situation. I felt like I was always scraping, always one step away from financial crisis, and always having to bite the bullet and not do the things I wanted to because there was no money.

On the other hand, I have lived the life of providing for myself. Honestly, I can tell you that it was much harder. I worked 60 hour weeks, had an intensely stressful job, was always worried or angry or uptight about something, and couldn't think about anything but money. That was no way to live, either, but at least there was an element of control to it. Everything else may be falling apart, but at least I knew what my paycheck was going to be every two weeks.

So I was living like a fool, clutching onto a sinking ship because I was afraid of walking on water. In my head I came to view returning to missions as jumping off a cliff. I knew it would be adventurous and exciting, but I wasn't quite sure where the bottom was or if anyone was going to catch me or not.

And of course, the list of excuses was a mile long. I had debt I had to pay off first, right? I couldn't expect to go into missions when I had debt hanging over my head. And what about insurance? Was it "responsible" of me to go gallivanting around the world when I couldn't afford insurance for my family? I couldn't expect other people to shoulder my "responsibilities," could I? My South African friend claims that this is cultural, that we Westerners put a high value on independence.

But God, thankfully, is one persistent Dude. Despite my fears and excuses, he called me to take the leap and see how far we could fly.

So we did.

And let me tell you, it has been worth it. The first part of the year was a real struggle with God. I was always telling him how much I didn't like how our finances were, and he was always telling me no to worry about it.

Me: "What about our credit card bills? We can't pay them again this month?"

God: "Don't worry about it, just trust me."

Me: "Sure, we have enough for groceries this week, but what about next week?"

God: "Don't worry about it. Trust me."

Me: "What about..."

God: "Don't worry about it!"

It took some time, but it finally began to sink in that when God says not to worry, he really means not to worry. He doesn't mean "Let it consume every waking thought but just don't talk about it." He means "Act like it's not even a problem in the first place." This is so, SO hard for me to do. Honestly, it feels like it goes against churchianity teaching. Shouldn't I be a responsible, productive member of society? Isn't my "witness" more important. How does it look if someone who claims he is following God can't even pay his own bills?

But apparently, God is pretty secure in himself. He's not nearly as worried about my witness as he is about my character. And what he wanted to cause in me is a lack of worry. An utter carelessness about my credit rating, my debt-to-income ratio, or even my next paycheck. I guess being care-free is more important to him than any of those other things.

So I gave in. I jumped off the edge in my heart this time, and made a decision that I was simply not going to care what people thought of me, what creditors said to me, or how much money I had. I was simply going to listen to God and do what he told me.

You know what? God hasn't faltered yet. Just last month we paid off the last of our credit cards - something that should have taken us at least 6 years of working and saving and scrimping. We were forgiven of amazing amounts of debt. We are not rolling in the money, by any means, but God is faithful every step of the way. And I don't worry about it anymore. It seems like the less I worry, the more God provides. As soon as I start to get uptight about our finances, they run out.

And, I'm learning to rely on others. I think this was the original plan and design that God intended with people. We were never supposed to be independent. God wants us to be interdependent, where we rely on each other for everything - including finances.

So, if God's telling you to jump, just go! I can promise you won't ever hit the bottom, because God is great at teaching you how to fly.

The DTS Returns!

So the Fall Discipleship Training School Outreach teams have returned.

There is nothing better than getting a group of people together who are completely jazzed on God and have just spent the last three months seeking him for every step that they take. They get together and BAM - all the energy and momentum combines and releases into worship that shakes the heavens.

The DTS sent three teams - one to Myanmar and Thailand, one to Russia, and one to Sudan and Uganda.

The stories were awesome. The students got to meet and minister to so many people. The Africa team had the privilege of meeting and leading to the Lord some former child soldiers. The Myanmar team continued working on a Buddhist monk who will definitely become a Christian sometime in the short future. The Russia team inspired some churches and planted seeds across Russia, calling the Orthodox Christians to a deeper relationship with God.

I love being able to work with DTS. Six months ago we had a ragtag group of individuals - some who were nearly pastors and others who had stopped drinking the day they left to come here. Now we have 19 people who are driven and passionate about turning this world around for Christ. I am honored to be able to watch the transformation, and hopefully have some small part in it.

We serve a great God. We need to shake off the smallness of our thinking. If God can transform a life, he can transform a city and a nation and a world.

Congratulations, Fall '09 DTS! Love you guys!

Of Mice and Men and Disgusting Places

Okay, I admit. I'm terrified of spiders. Not just in a "Eww, that's gross" way but in a "AAAHHH!" way. Usually, when I see a spider, I scream like a woman and make Lydia smash it for me.

Of course, that's tamed down a lot since I moved to Oregon. There's approximately 1.38 trillion-kabillion spiders just on the YWAM campus alone. Literally, one time last summer I was sitting on some up-turned buckets with a couple of other guys for no more than 10 minutes, and as we watched a little arachnid proceeded to make a web between one of the other guy's shins. So, I can't really scream every time I see one anymore. Instead I have to stifle it inside, get all fidgety and hope that I can pass without it noticing me.

There was one time, in Hawaii, that Lydia and I were actually attacked by the most aggressive, meanest, nastiest spider on earth. Thank God I haven't seen any like that around here. Still, it sucks going to storage and having to arm myself with my ice scraper because every box that I move releases 3 or 4 of the little creepies. The worst is that my aim is terrible, partially because I'm afraid I'll just anger them by trying to whack them, and partially because spiders have this weird ability to move somewhere completely unexpected at the last second. If you try and compensate for this, you never know where they're going to go, but it you don't they just move out of the way. Or something.

So do you have the image of me, ineffectually spasm-flailing at several spiders with an ice-scraper? Then you'll understand why I was so annoyed at a mouse today.

Mice don't bother me. I don't need to jump on my chair or anything like that. They're usually cute and fuzzy and have little whiskers and a nose that crinkles when they sniff the air. Sure, I don't want one crawling on me without my permission, but they usually don't like to do that (unlike spiders, who will crawl anywhere with total disregard to decorum). But what I do mind is when a mouse takes up residences inside the dryer vent in our house. Not actually inside the house, technically. Just in the dryer vent.

Even that I wouldn't mind - I probably wouldn't even notice - except that this mouse decided to store all the loud, rattling seeds he could find in there. So now, whenever we turn on the dryer, there was a few minutes of insane rattling as the seeds all got blown somewhere further down the line. Also, whenever the mouse comes home lately it makes an awful racket, enough to wake Lydia up at night. (Nothing wakes me up, except spiders.)

So today I have to fix it. And guess where I have to go? That's right, under the house. Where approximately 87% of the spiders live to begin with.

First, I sat at the crawl-space opening for about 10 minutes, trying vainly to see something with my flashlight that doesn't look like a web filled with hobo spiders. I do not want to crawl under there. But wait, what's that? I can see the vent hose. It's lying on the ground. It looks like it's fallen off the connector that holds it on the wall, thereby allowing vermin to enter at their leisure. But it hasn't fallen that far off. Maybe, if I just go around to the other side, unscrew this thing from the wall, I can just reach in there and grab it - no, wait, let me get a stick and remove all the cobwebs - there! Yes!

Amazingly, I completed the whole operation without actually going under the house (except for about 18 inches of my arm). Also, there was a brand new vent kit under the house as well. That's weird, it's almost like someone living here before had the same problem. I guess they chickened out, too.

So, the moral of the story is that you need to kill mice before they make you crawl somewhere with spiders.

Anyway, I found another picture of an actor with hair like mine: