The Postmodern Evangelist Monologues

This came out of my musings about evangelism, purity, post-modernism, the church, and some other stuff. Hopefully there's something here to challenge pretty much anyone.

PART I:

Don't talk to me about purity. I know all about the kind of purity that you're peddling.

No thanks.

Seriously, leave me alone.

You just want to talk? Well...fine, I have a few minutes. Yeah, I can go sit down over there. But I'm telling you, I don't want what you have. Why? Because I can already describe it for you.

How would I describe it?

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Okay, fine. First of all, I don't believe the same things that you do. No, not just the stuff about what you should and shouldn't do – even though I do think that's a bunch of bull – but I mean the deeper things that you probably haven't even thought about. For example, I don't believe there's a God. I don't believe that the world was “created” at some point 10,000 years ago. I sure as hell don't believe that a bunch of fairy tales written by a bunch of white guys hundreds of years ago has any meaning to me today. See, I don't believe that, but you still want to tell me how to live.

Here's some problems that I have with you. Yes, you and everyone you represent. You don't open your eyes and look around. Science has made our lives much better than religion ever did. We don't need some god-fantasy to explain why things are the way they are. We've figured it out, and it doesn't have anything to do with some all-powerful angry guy in the sky. But it doesn't matter what we discover, or what new things people figure out, because you people all keep saying the same thing over and over: “Do this! Don't do that!” I swear, as soon as we find something to make everyone a little bit happier, all the Christians come out in force to say how terrible it is and how we should keep it away from everyone, especially the kids. Open your eyes! The world is changing out there.

Another thing that really bothers me about you guys is that you don't understand all the harm that religious-types have done over the years. Like I said, science is making our lives better all the time, but for the 2000 years that religion ruled the world, all you basically did was kill each other. I know – I know it wasn't you, but just like you're doing now, you try to pass that off as “someone else” and that it's not your fault, never realizing that you're running your own crusades right now. What about democrats, or environmentalists, or the whole homosexual community? I swear, if your churches had the power it would be Auschwitz all over again. It makes me wonder what you would do if you didn't have anyone to hate.

And then here you come to me, a complete stranger, and try to start telling me how to live. Don't you get that this is the same thing? You're running a little “Crusade” right now. All you're doing is showing how little you actually care about me. In fact, you're sitting there trying to tell me to turn my whole life around as if you even know how I live or what kinds of things I do on a day to day basis. Hell, I would be willing to bet that my life looks more “Christian” than yours does – minus the whole trying to convert people thing. I volunteer, I'm involved with charities, I do things to make an impact on my world, and I recycle. It's not like I'm some sort of twisted psycho who needs a saint to come down from heaven to help me see the error of my ways. But you don't even care, do you? You would rather I conform to your image of what it looks like to be “pure,” no matter what I'm doing right now. You just want me to jump through the hoops that your pastor holds up for me.

And that, I think, is the worst thing of all for me. The fact that you come in here, don't even try to understand me or get to know me in any way, and immediately demand a performance out of me whether I want to go there or not. You don't even know me, how could you possibly care about me? You're not interested in me, you're interested in getting some notch on your Bible, or in proving how right you are, or something. I don't care really. All I know is that the last thing on earth I would ever want to do is be like you, or buy in to what you stand for.

Like I said, no thanks.

PART II:

Look, most of what you've heard about me is probably wrong. In fact, right now you're not even responding to me, you're responding to all the negative stereo-types that have been slapped on me by people who make a living sensationalizing things. If you can set those things aside, just temporarily, I think that you might like to hear what I have to say.

Just give me a minute, let me explain myself.

I'll keep it short. And I'll buy you a coffee.

First off, let me explain that I'm not trying to change your behavior. That might happen, yes, but that's not the goal. I don't want to be the one that tells you how you should behave. Honestly, who would want to do that? I have enough problems just figuring this thing out for myself, there's no way I would want to have to figure it out for someone else. The way you behave is your own business, and if you want to do something I think you should just go and do it.

I get that you think that I'm totally irrelevant in a world with science and answers and shiny new things. But what has all that gotten us, really? Sure, people have bigger houses, we live longer, and we have 500 channels on TV, but is anyone really fulfilled? Are you fulfilled? I find that most people struggle through life just hoping to find something that will instill some spark, some joy inside of them that proves that they're really alive, not just surviving. Sure, you paint a happy image of life in TV commercials, but in the real world you're bored and looking for something to inspire you, not just entertain.

At some level, you realize all this which is why you end up throwing it all away and saying that no one knows anything for sure and that the most anyone can hope for is to attain their own happiness. You blindly claim that since science has failed then there is no absolute truth, and each person makes their own truth. You let everyone make their own choices. That's you're new reality, that choice is the only ultimate good. Not everyone will choose the same, but so what? What's good for them might not be good for you, but you're not them so you can't decide. Even though you can plainly see that the choices some people make cause them to be thoroughly unhappy, and possibly even suffering, you don't help them because you don't want to violate their sacrosanct choice. You fear control so much that you reject all types of control, and by doing so you sever the very hand you would use to help people who need it.

No, don't get me wrong. You're sympathetic. Probably more than me in a lot of ways. You feel what those people are feeling. You hang out with them. You cry with them. You even march for them. But when it comes down to doing anything, you have no ability. You can't help them because you can't tell them what to do, because you're so afraid of becoming an oppressor. So you're stuck – always wanting to do more, never knowing how.

Ultimately, you're lost.

The only solution you have is to lash out at people who do claim to have an answer – me – who you perceive as an oppressor. Which I'm okay with, really. You can think what you like about me. All I'm trying to tell you is that I've found it. The spark, the life, the inspiration. The thing that TV-commercial families act like they have. I don't claim to understand it completely, but I absolutely want to share it. See, you think I'm here to condemn you and force you to change, when really I'm here to share with you the one thing I think everyone is looking for. I haven't yet found someone who wasn't interested in being more alive. If you're not looking for life – and I mean the knock-down-drag-out-full-in-your-face kind of life – then fine, I'll let you on your way. You can even call me narrow-minded. But if it is something that you want, maybe it's worth at least taking a look at.

Dream Like Everything Is Possible

The Guide to Extraordinary Living - Part 2

Mr. Dream, a 235 lb. boxer, lost his only fight to Little Mac, 98 lbs.

Remember the first lesson, that everything is about others? Life is not about you. If you don't remember that, go back and read Part 1. Actually, find someone else who would benefit from reading Part 1 and have them read it, then you can read it for yourself.

I can hear you now: “It's cool. Life is not about trying to make myself happy. Check. Got it. Alright, I understand already. So, what should I do that's not designed to make me personally happy? Hmm..go buy a happy meal? Oh, wait, no, that's about me. Watch a movie? Oh, that's about me again. Make a sandwich? Hmm..this all seems to be about me. What should I do?”

Well, let me tell you. Start Dreaming. Go ahead – try it right now. Start dreaming about what you want your life to look like.




Okay, okay, stop. We're running into two problems. First of all, you're not sticking to the first principle, which is that things are not about yourself. These ideas are supposed to build on each other - like the beautiful and long lasting pyramids, not be stand-alone concepts – like the ugly and target-worthy Sphinx. Secondly, you're not dreaming big enough. You're dreaming like everything in your life just happened to go well, like you had the best day of your life or something. I don't want you to dream about winning the lottery, or scoring the perfect job, or marrying the perfect person. I don't even want you to dream about making the neighborhood you live in a nicer place (though that's a good start). I want you to dream WAY bigger than that. Dream like everything is possible.

What do I mean by that? Let me explain it this way: Suppose Bill Gates and Scrooge McDuck dropped by your house. They offered to fully fund whatever your dream was, for however long it took to accomplish it, and then said that if you somehow failed or came up short, they would supply the manpower that it would take to make sure it happened (or they would consult the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook, which might have just the solution you need).

What would you dare to dream if you were guaranteed to be successful?

Now we can really start the dreaming. Poverty? Gone. Preventable diseases? Prevented. Human Trafficking? Eliminated. Corruption? Confronted.

See, right about now I'm losing some of you. You're totally checking out. You've heard this before, you think. I can imagine that voice in the back of your head, the one that keeps whispering “How? How would you get there? It just isn't practical.” I can imagine that voice quite well, since it's in the back of my head, too.

No matter what you dream, that voice will be there. Many times, it will actually come out of other people's mouths – the very people who are supposed to love and support you. It will constantly be telling you that it's ridiculous to dream like that, that one person can't make a difference, that it's a waste of time to give yourself to a cause that's doomed to fail from the beginning. But let's remember something: Without a dream, life is already a failure. Dull, lifeless – remember?

So, what do we do with the doubts and fears that have stopped many people ahead of us? How do we handle the voice that will confront us every step of the way, even in the very beginning of our dreaming stages?

It's easy. We act. We take a step. We start making the dream a reality. The voice hates that.

That's also the next part in the series...

Why Portland?

So, many times we get asked this question: "Why Portland?"

This question usually follows us explaining that we feel called to start a discipleship school in Portland. But not usually right after. The people asking this question usually wait two or three days and spring it on me at an inopportune moment, when my mind is totally engrossed with the sandwich I'm eating, or exactly how far I can tip that chair back without falling over, or something equally mundane. They'll just walk up to me out of the blue and say "Why Portland?" like I should have some deep insightful answer just sitting there, waiting for someone to ask me.

What usually ends up happening, is I stammer out a few stats about human trafficking, something about how much Portland needs it, or homelessness, or maybe something about how cool of a place it is. It's not convincing at all, and it sounds very much like I'm not committed, or that I haven't thought through this thing at all, but that's about as far from the truth as it could be. It's just that my mind doesn't switch into sales mode that quickly. I'm more apt to be wondering how the decay of the speed of light as a universal constant could be a convincing argument for creationism, or about how the organizational structure of YWAM spells it's own death, or about what light waves refract in the atmosphere above the clouds.

What I'm not thinking about is: "What's a cool way to communicate the vision I feel God has put on my heart for Portland and my future?"

So, here's an attempt:

Why Portland? I'm glad you asked! It's simple, really. God called us there. I don't understand all of his reasons. I just know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's where he wants us to be. God is doing something special in Portland right now. There's lots of things being started there and being brought back there or moving there for the first time. I don't understand it completely, but Portland is spiritually significant right now.

Also, both Lydia and I feel that God is putting on our hearts some type of authentic community (yes, I know that's all the rage right now). Not like an ultra-hip church, though. I'm not ultra-hip, and I don't know how to be. Also, I don't go to church.

No, the community God is describing to us is a community of people that does life together. Instead of being committed to a "cause" or a "model" or something like that, they're committed to each other. Plain and simple. They live together, they eat together, they get involved in each other's lives. They don't all work in the same place - in fact, they interact with and react to the community at large, but are so filled up with love and refreshed and enjoying life and God that they become beacons of hope to people who have no understanding of unconditional love, who may even be hostile to God.

Now, Portland seems like an awesome place to make that happen. I envision myself running a discipleship school half the year, then working with the previously described communal group the rest of the year. And raising a family. And having awesome microbrews. And going on missions. And writing a (New York Times Best-selling) book(s).

Want to come?