What Support?

There's plenty more where that came from...

You may not know this, but I'm not employed. I don't have someone who tells me to do things, then pays me for doing them. This works for me, since I generally find that people only pay other people to do things that they would rather not do, which means that they're going to be boring, disgusting, insulting, embarrassing, or otherwise distasteful. So, I have the huge benefit of being able to do something that I think is incredibly important and valuable.

I feel blessed that I get to be someone who does something I love. Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses. There is a huge drawback to pursuing this lifestyle: money. Well, lack of money, really. I don't get paid for anything that I do. Not one cent. I work all day, I give out and I pour into people's lives, but receive no financial compensation for it.

But wait, if you work all day at a job that you don't get paid for, how do you live? What about your rent? What about your groceries? What about clothes? What about – wait, you do use toilet paper, don't you?

No worries – I do pay rent, I buy groceries, wear clothes, and use toilet paper. And I do have to buy all those things myself. Where does the money come from? It comes from people who donate to me. Yep, that's right. All the money I spend in a month comes from people who give it to me out of the goodness of their hearts.

Amazingly, there are quite a few people out there who want to donate to someone like me. Unfortunately for me, I don't know very many of them. I'm always looking for people who have generous hearts, who are willing to invest into something that they won't get immediate returns from, and who understand that giving away money can be incredibly rewarding.

Being generous was something that I learned from a young age. I was always taught to give 10% of my income away – usually to church, but not necessarily. I found that there was something strange that happened when I stopped thinking about all the things I could get for myself with my allowance and instead let the money go somewhere I would never get it back. It didn't feel like I lost it. Instead, I felt like all was right with the world. There was a certain sense of being solid – of being real. I found that, though it was difficult, I could actually enjoy giving money away.

Of course, as I got older and started to have a “career,” things changed. I found that most of my money was already spent as soon as I got it. I still had a generous mindset, but when that check came it got divvied up into bills, groceries, gas, and every other little category. I found that if I wasn't intentional - if I didn't create space in my budget specifically for giving money away - it didn't happen. Even worse, often there were times I wanted to give towards some person or cause, and I just didn't have any money left and couldn't do it.

The more I looked at this, the more I realized that I wasn't spending my money wisely. If I was serious about changing the world by encouraging people to live extraordinary lives, then I needed to start putting my money where my mouth was. I decided that investing in people would be the best investment I could make. Not necessarily because it would generate huge returns directly to me, but because I would be making the world as a whole a better place.

When I started giving money away, I found that it brought me so much joy. The days that I hated my job and wanted to simply walk out of the office, never to return were tempered by the fact that I knew I would be able to help support some people who were doing real good in the world. It was the one thing about my job that really made me happy.

Of course, now I'm on the other side of the fence. I'm the one living off of other people's generosity. Sometimes, I feel a little awkward asking people for money. I mean, it's a little like begging, right? Most days, however, I remember what it felt like to be able to give, to have that chance to make a difference, and I remember what an honor it is. Then I think to myself: why not give everyone this opportunity?

I'm going to do a few posts about money, living off support, and the rationale and philosophy behind it. Hopefully it will be funny and encouraging, while at the same time inspiring you to be generous (or more generous) in your own life.

Boredom

Boredom.

I've entered a period of life where my day to day activities are pretty routine. You might even call them boring. Now, I'm usually one who does everything I can to avoid being bored – like most people, I would imagine. Boredom seems like it can sneak up on me, but I know that there are several places I'm sure to encounter it.

For me, I get bored when I do the dishes. It's a brainless, repetitive task that requires almost no thought. But not so little thought that I can just check out to my happy place (where I happen to be an awesome ninja-poet who can conquer hordes of evil-doers and get the girl every time). No, if I check out to my happy place I'll spend the time to wash the dishes only to find little bits of crusted-on food that may or may not come off after repeated attempts. My mind has to be engaged in what I'm doing, otherwise the image of being a super-powerful ninja comes faces-to-face with the harsh reality that I can't even do the dishes very well.

Of course, I used to get really bored when I had to work in a cubicle. I remember some times when I would have to make a phone call, then another phone call, then another phone call. I was in one of those soul-sucking environments where you have to make 150-200 phone calls per day. I would literally have to force myself to dial the numbers, all the while thinking “I wish something would happen. Maybe the power will go out, or the phones will stop working. Maybe this number isn't another construction company, but a secret number for a government agency that is responsible for training super-spies. Maybe I'll get sick and go home. Sigh.”

And now, I find myself bored occasionally as well. Even though I've made the decision to leave all traces of a conventional lifestyle behind and embraced a life of adventure, I will still find myself bored from time to time. Ironically, part of this is by choice. I don't have a TV, so the usual number one place to turn when I'm bored is off the table. I also live in Oregon, so the weather usually precludes anything outside unless I feel like getting freezing cold and as wet as a dog at a cat-fish catching competition. Even though my life is headed in the direction I want it to, even though I am excited about what I get to do and the people I work with, I still find myself in moments of boredom.

But the more I experience boredom, the more I've started to learn some things about it. I've noticed that my first tendency is to try as hard as I can to quench the boredom, with almost anything at all. Books, magazines, the internet. Yes, the internet is a powerful tool. It also is a deep rabbit hole of pointless wastes of time known as flash games. It's amazing how much time I can spend trying to think of different ways to kill a pixelated elephant just to avoid that strange hollow feeling of boredom. In its own way, it's like a drug.

Of course, the more I thought about, the more I began to see that it really is an addiction. You can get your fix for boredom from a bunch of different dealers: movies, games, music, television, books, concerts, restaurants, theaters – the list goes on and on. I realized that I am actually addicted to entertainment. An entertainment-aholoic. Or alcoholo-tainmentist? Whatever, I can't go even one day without being entertained. When I look around, I see that most people are in the same situation I am. And honestly, most of the things we use to try to slake our thirst for entertainment are barely passable facades. Reality TV? Does that really entertain? No, it just distracts enough from the dreaded emptiness of boredom. But don't bore me with the details, just give me my entertainment – I don't care if it's hollow or vapid, it's fun!

I'm a junkie. There's no other way to say it. I have an addiction that I just can't break.

Not like I'm alone. I would say that, with the exception of a few rare souls, most people in this world are addicted to entertainment. Once, in South Africa, I knew a girl who lived in a shack that I wouldn't even store my lawn-mower in (if I had one). And in this shack that had no insulation, a roof that leaked, and barely enough room for a single bed that she shared with her one-year-old daughter, she had satellite TV (Ironically, she asked if I lived in a house like the people in “The OC” did). I can travel the world and find that the only thing I have in common with people is that we've seen the same movies. Yes, this addiction is certainly wide-spread.

But I've discovered something. If I don't stifle my boredom as soon as I feel the faintest tingling of it approaching, if I don't try to bury it in the nearest available entertainment, then something strange starts to happen. I find that my mind kicks in. It doesn't want to be bored, either. Almost like it says to itself, “Well, I guess my break's over. Back to work!” And then an incredible thing starts to happen: my mind starts to grow and expand. I find myself generating new ideas, thinking through new strategies, breaking out of old thought habits. I actually find myself growing.

Creativity, motivation, inspiration – it all comes flowing back. Tasks like writing that were so difficult and mundane before suddenly become exciting and full of life because the ideas just flow out of me. Almost as if all I've been waiting for is a break from entertainment long enough to actually think an original thought. It's like boredom is the gateway to creativity. Maybe my brain is so desperate for entertainment that it starts generating its own. Some people say that necessity is the mother of invention, I say that boredom must be it's father.

If you've embarked on your own Extraordinary journey, you may have caught onto this already. We're not built to have everything flow inward, to us. We're built to flow outward, to give to those around us and enrich their lives by expending our own. The crazy part about that is that the more we help people - the more we spend ourselves giving to others - the better we feel and the more we experience being alive.

So that's my challenge. Next time you start to feel bored, don't reach for the remote. Don't dive into the latest video game, or best-seller, or Facebook, or whatever (even a really cool blog that you can't wait to share with everyone you know). Let yourself feel it a little. You never know what a little time spent being bored could spark in your life – it might just change the world.

Don't Call Me Mr. Mom (or: Look, I'm Not Your Father)

So recently I've made a transition in my life. I've gone from a job where I leave the house every morning and work usually all day, to a job where I stay at the house all day watching my two kids. This is definitely what they refer to as a “major” shift. The jobs are not at all similar. On the ropes course, I was constantly helping people overcome their fear, learn new things about themselves, do what they didn't think they could do, and generally showing people a good time. At home, I change diapers, constantly help people do simple, everyday tasks, and generally try to avoid frustration.

I don't have a hard time with this type of transition. Really, I tend to look at life like it's one big adventure and this is a new and exciting experience for me. So when my wife asks me if I'm really going to be okay watching the kids all day, doing laundry, cleaning the house, and making dinner, my response is an enthusiastic yes. I believe that life is full of surprises if you're willing to do something outside of the ordinary. Who knows, I may be a master chef, or the world's best vacuum operator, or incredibly skilled at separating the whites from the darks. You never know what kind of hidden skills you have, and if you never try anything different, you'll never find out, right?

No, the transition has actually been a piece of cake. The part that I have a hard time with is people's reactions to me. I live in a community (it's really the way to go), so most people have a fairly good idea about my living situation, which is another way of saying that nothing is ever a secret – not that I want to keep anything secret, I'm just saying that even if I did, it would be impossible. Now, the people who surround me are overwhelmingly friendly and supportive, but for some reason this particular role that I hold right now has triggered an automatic response from nearly everyone I run into. The response that I'm referring to is this:

“Hey, how's it going Mr. Mom?”

Seriously. Mr. Mom. I mean, if we lived in the early 1940's I think I could understand this reaction somewhat. Maybe if it was 1983 and this movie had just been released, or I lived in some part of the deep South where tradition never dies, or I in some sort of freaky alternate universe where the women's lib movement had never happened, I think I might understand that reaction. But I don't. Everywhere I go, it's the same question over and over again, to the point that I start to think someone must be playing a practical joke on me, except that it would be impossible in a community like this because of the aforementioned inability to keep a secret.

“Hey there, Mr. Mom.”

“Oh, here comes Mr. Mom and the kids!”

“Busy day, Mr. Mom?”

“So, how's Mr. Mom doing?”

Annoying, huh? But it got me thinking. How often do people actually consider what they say? I think that most times, they say what they think is going to make them look good. I know I do. So instead of saying something that will be meaningful to me, and make me feel good and important, they instead spout the first thing that comes to mind that they think makes them look clever, or funny, or interesting.

The crazy thing about it is that this sort of thing has been happening my entire life. By virtue of having the name Luke, and also being born in the same millennium that Star Wars came out, every single person who meets me thinks that they need to say the same joke: “Oh, Luke, huh? I am your father! Ha ha ha ha ha!” Of course, my face is either completely blank or has a fake smile plastered on. I have heard that joke probably 754,212 times in my life. But literally every person who says it to me thinks that they are the first one who thought of it.*

Not that I really blame all these people. I mean, I understand the pressure. I find myself in this position all the time – saying something I don't truly mean or wouldn't say normally just because I think it might be the funniest or most interesting thing to say at the moment. Essentially what comes out of my mouth is what I assume will make me look good. But in one of life's funny twists, the things that I say when I am solely worried about making myself look good end up making me look ridiculous.

And you, too. You look ridiculous when you are worried about how you look. Don't call me Mr. Mom. And you're definitely not my father.

*Ironically enough, my own father has never made this joke – a fact that I am extremely thankful for.

Take Someone with You

The Guide To Extraordinary Living - Part 5

I'm going to start by making a bunch of assumptions. I like assumptions, because they conform to my own little image of what's true very nicely. The assumptions I'm going to make are: 1) You've read the previous five articles on Extraordinary Living. If you haven't, start here. 2) That you are serious about living outside of an ordinary life. 3) That you've begun to dream big dreams and act on them, forgetting everything else. 4) That you think I'm awesome and are re-posting this blog all over facebook and twitter.

Well, hopefully you've done at least number four if nothing else.

The final step is less of a step, really, than it is a reminder of something to do along the way. In Part 1 we came to the conclusion that we need to be doing something that is outside of ourselves, that is bigger than us, and that is focused on other people. Otherwise, it's all just another take on padding our drab little cell. In Part 5 we bring that full circle. The fifth step of an extraordinary life is to take others with you.

You didn't want to keep all this awesomeness to yourself, did you?

If you are truly living extraordinarily, this should be happening to some degree already. There are two reasons that “Taking someone with you” is a separate step all on its own. On reason is that you need to be intentional with this, or it won't happen. There have been many examples throughout history of people who broke out, did great things, and then watched them fall apart because nobody was there to carry the vision after they got too old or too tired or too dead to do it themselves. The other reason is because you can't do it on your own anyways.

This happens all the time on our ropes course. We have a low obstacle course, and the goal is to get across a series of ropes, bridges, logs, and cables without touching the ground. Invariably, people will look at it, try to do it themselves, and fall flat on their faces. After trying several times they'll look at me and say “This is impossible, isn't it?” To which I reply “It's only impossible if you try to do it yourself.” That's when the lights go on and they go get help from a teammate.

That's what you need. A teammate. In fact, you need a whole team of teammates.

But immediately you will run into a dilemma. The dilemma is that there are just not that many people who are ready and waiting to break out of their box into the un-comfort and un-safety of an extraordinary life. If they were ready, they would have already jumped that fence and would be busy pursuing their own dream. You may be able to recruit a few of those people, and if you can catch them go for it, but on the whole they're a rare breed and you'll be lucky just to connect with them.

So who are you left with? The people who don't want to break out. Those who are content to stay inside their own little world of comfort and security. If you enlist their help without first helping them step into extraordinary life, then you run the risk of manipulating them and using them for your own personal gain.

So what can you do? Make your dream their dream. The best way to find people is to inspire them. Start talking about your big dream to anyone who will listen. Start sharing how it will change the world. Start informing people about how they can be a big part of what's going to happen. Inspiration literally means to breathe life into someone. You can be the breath of fresh air that awakens someone's heart. You can be the one to set people free.

Remember how great you felt when you broke out of your box? When the gray walls fell and you saw the fullness and richness that life can hold? Remember how excited you were, and how you felt like there was nothing that was impossible, how you could have reached out and grabbed the sun in your bare hands? Now imagine what its like to see that same light breaking over your friend's face, knowing that it was your love and dedication that helped them get there.

There's nothing better.

Now, none of this will never happen if you keep your dream all bottled up inside where no one can feel it. Let it out. Be courageous. Fight back against that tiny voice that tells you that you're not good enough, not strong enough, or not whatever enough. Tell that voice that it's not in control any longer. Stand up and join the ranks of those who dare to be great. Dare to live beyond comfort. Dare to live outside predictability. Dare to live an extraordinary life.