Take Someone with You

The Guide To Extraordinary Living - Part 5

I'm going to start by making a bunch of assumptions. I like assumptions, because they conform to my own little image of what's true very nicely. The assumptions I'm going to make are: 1) You've read the previous five articles on Extraordinary Living. If you haven't, start here. 2) That you are serious about living outside of an ordinary life. 3) That you've begun to dream big dreams and act on them, forgetting everything else. 4) That you think I'm awesome and are re-posting this blog all over facebook and twitter.

Well, hopefully you've done at least number four if nothing else.

The final step is less of a step, really, than it is a reminder of something to do along the way. In Part 1 we came to the conclusion that we need to be doing something that is outside of ourselves, that is bigger than us, and that is focused on other people. Otherwise, it's all just another take on padding our drab little cell. In Part 5 we bring that full circle. The fifth step of an extraordinary life is to take others with you.

You didn't want to keep all this awesomeness to yourself, did you?

If you are truly living extraordinarily, this should be happening to some degree already. There are two reasons that “Taking someone with you” is a separate step all on its own. On reason is that you need to be intentional with this, or it won't happen. There have been many examples throughout history of people who broke out, did great things, and then watched them fall apart because nobody was there to carry the vision after they got too old or too tired or too dead to do it themselves. The other reason is because you can't do it on your own anyways.

This happens all the time on our ropes course. We have a low obstacle course, and the goal is to get across a series of ropes, bridges, logs, and cables without touching the ground. Invariably, people will look at it, try to do it themselves, and fall flat on their faces. After trying several times they'll look at me and say “This is impossible, isn't it?” To which I reply “It's only impossible if you try to do it yourself.” That's when the lights go on and they go get help from a teammate.

That's what you need. A teammate. In fact, you need a whole team of teammates.

But immediately you will run into a dilemma. The dilemma is that there are just not that many people who are ready and waiting to break out of their box into the un-comfort and un-safety of an extraordinary life. If they were ready, they would have already jumped that fence and would be busy pursuing their own dream. You may be able to recruit a few of those people, and if you can catch them go for it, but on the whole they're a rare breed and you'll be lucky just to connect with them.

So who are you left with? The people who don't want to break out. Those who are content to stay inside their own little world of comfort and security. If you enlist their help without first helping them step into extraordinary life, then you run the risk of manipulating them and using them for your own personal gain.

So what can you do? Make your dream their dream. The best way to find people is to inspire them. Start talking about your big dream to anyone who will listen. Start sharing how it will change the world. Start informing people about how they can be a big part of what's going to happen. Inspiration literally means to breathe life into someone. You can be the breath of fresh air that awakens someone's heart. You can be the one to set people free.

Remember how great you felt when you broke out of your box? When the gray walls fell and you saw the fullness and richness that life can hold? Remember how excited you were, and how you felt like there was nothing that was impossible, how you could have reached out and grabbed the sun in your bare hands? Now imagine what its like to see that same light breaking over your friend's face, knowing that it was your love and dedication that helped them get there.

There's nothing better.

Now, none of this will never happen if you keep your dream all bottled up inside where no one can feel it. Let it out. Be courageous. Fight back against that tiny voice that tells you that you're not good enough, not strong enough, or not whatever enough. Tell that voice that it's not in control any longer. Stand up and join the ranks of those who dare to be great. Dare to live beyond comfort. Dare to live outside predictability. Dare to live an extraordinary life.

The Postmodern Evangelist Monologues

This came out of my musings about evangelism, purity, post-modernism, the church, and some other stuff. Hopefully there's something here to challenge pretty much anyone.

PART I:

Don't talk to me about purity. I know all about the kind of purity that you're peddling.

No thanks.

Seriously, leave me alone.

You just want to talk? Well...fine, I have a few minutes. Yeah, I can go sit down over there. But I'm telling you, I don't want what you have. Why? Because I can already describe it for you.

How would I describe it?

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Okay, fine. First of all, I don't believe the same things that you do. No, not just the stuff about what you should and shouldn't do – even though I do think that's a bunch of bull – but I mean the deeper things that you probably haven't even thought about. For example, I don't believe there's a God. I don't believe that the world was “created” at some point 10,000 years ago. I sure as hell don't believe that a bunch of fairy tales written by a bunch of white guys hundreds of years ago has any meaning to me today. See, I don't believe that, but you still want to tell me how to live.

Here's some problems that I have with you. Yes, you and everyone you represent. You don't open your eyes and look around. Science has made our lives much better than religion ever did. We don't need some god-fantasy to explain why things are the way they are. We've figured it out, and it doesn't have anything to do with some all-powerful angry guy in the sky. But it doesn't matter what we discover, or what new things people figure out, because you people all keep saying the same thing over and over: “Do this! Don't do that!” I swear, as soon as we find something to make everyone a little bit happier, all the Christians come out in force to say how terrible it is and how we should keep it away from everyone, especially the kids. Open your eyes! The world is changing out there.

Another thing that really bothers me about you guys is that you don't understand all the harm that religious-types have done over the years. Like I said, science is making our lives better all the time, but for the 2000 years that religion ruled the world, all you basically did was kill each other. I know – I know it wasn't you, but just like you're doing now, you try to pass that off as “someone else” and that it's not your fault, never realizing that you're running your own crusades right now. What about democrats, or environmentalists, or the whole homosexual community? I swear, if your churches had the power it would be Auschwitz all over again. It makes me wonder what you would do if you didn't have anyone to hate.

And then here you come to me, a complete stranger, and try to start telling me how to live. Don't you get that this is the same thing? You're running a little “Crusade” right now. All you're doing is showing how little you actually care about me. In fact, you're sitting there trying to tell me to turn my whole life around as if you even know how I live or what kinds of things I do on a day to day basis. Hell, I would be willing to bet that my life looks more “Christian” than yours does – minus the whole trying to convert people thing. I volunteer, I'm involved with charities, I do things to make an impact on my world, and I recycle. It's not like I'm some sort of twisted psycho who needs a saint to come down from heaven to help me see the error of my ways. But you don't even care, do you? You would rather I conform to your image of what it looks like to be “pure,” no matter what I'm doing right now. You just want me to jump through the hoops that your pastor holds up for me.

And that, I think, is the worst thing of all for me. The fact that you come in here, don't even try to understand me or get to know me in any way, and immediately demand a performance out of me whether I want to go there or not. You don't even know me, how could you possibly care about me? You're not interested in me, you're interested in getting some notch on your Bible, or in proving how right you are, or something. I don't care really. All I know is that the last thing on earth I would ever want to do is be like you, or buy in to what you stand for.

Like I said, no thanks.

PART II:

Look, most of what you've heard about me is probably wrong. In fact, right now you're not even responding to me, you're responding to all the negative stereo-types that have been slapped on me by people who make a living sensationalizing things. If you can set those things aside, just temporarily, I think that you might like to hear what I have to say.

Just give me a minute, let me explain myself.

I'll keep it short. And I'll buy you a coffee.

First off, let me explain that I'm not trying to change your behavior. That might happen, yes, but that's not the goal. I don't want to be the one that tells you how you should behave. Honestly, who would want to do that? I have enough problems just figuring this thing out for myself, there's no way I would want to have to figure it out for someone else. The way you behave is your own business, and if you want to do something I think you should just go and do it.

I get that you think that I'm totally irrelevant in a world with science and answers and shiny new things. But what has all that gotten us, really? Sure, people have bigger houses, we live longer, and we have 500 channels on TV, but is anyone really fulfilled? Are you fulfilled? I find that most people struggle through life just hoping to find something that will instill some spark, some joy inside of them that proves that they're really alive, not just surviving. Sure, you paint a happy image of life in TV commercials, but in the real world you're bored and looking for something to inspire you, not just entertain.

At some level, you realize all this which is why you end up throwing it all away and saying that no one knows anything for sure and that the most anyone can hope for is to attain their own happiness. You blindly claim that since science has failed then there is no absolute truth, and each person makes their own truth. You let everyone make their own choices. That's you're new reality, that choice is the only ultimate good. Not everyone will choose the same, but so what? What's good for them might not be good for you, but you're not them so you can't decide. Even though you can plainly see that the choices some people make cause them to be thoroughly unhappy, and possibly even suffering, you don't help them because you don't want to violate their sacrosanct choice. You fear control so much that you reject all types of control, and by doing so you sever the very hand you would use to help people who need it.

No, don't get me wrong. You're sympathetic. Probably more than me in a lot of ways. You feel what those people are feeling. You hang out with them. You cry with them. You even march for them. But when it comes down to doing anything, you have no ability. You can't help them because you can't tell them what to do, because you're so afraid of becoming an oppressor. So you're stuck – always wanting to do more, never knowing how.

Ultimately, you're lost.

The only solution you have is to lash out at people who do claim to have an answer – me – who you perceive as an oppressor. Which I'm okay with, really. You can think what you like about me. All I'm trying to tell you is that I've found it. The spark, the life, the inspiration. The thing that TV-commercial families act like they have. I don't claim to understand it completely, but I absolutely want to share it. See, you think I'm here to condemn you and force you to change, when really I'm here to share with you the one thing I think everyone is looking for. I haven't yet found someone who wasn't interested in being more alive. If you're not looking for life – and I mean the knock-down-drag-out-full-in-your-face kind of life – then fine, I'll let you on your way. You can even call me narrow-minded. But if it is something that you want, maybe it's worth at least taking a look at.

Eliminate Your Safety Net

The Guide to Extraordinary Living - Part 4

The entire auditorium is holding it's breath. The only lights are shining almost too brightly on one figure, suspended high in the air between two poles. He takes a step. Another. Then he shifts, his body just slightly out of balance. The entire crowd has a sharp intake of breath. The tight-rope walker tries to move forward, but his previous missed step left him out of position. He attempts to correct, but ends up over-calculating and his arms fly out, wheeling helplessly as he totters over and falls.

The crowd watches in disbelief, every heart stopped.

Then the lights come up, and we see him land safely in the tightly-stretched safety net. He bounces a few times, then picks himself up and heads over to the base of the pole for another try. The Ringleader announces that he will be okay – but wait! What's this? The tight-rope walker is demanding that they lower the safety net. He animatedly speaks with the stage hands, who look to the Ringleader for permission.

Suddenly the net falls to the ground. The tight-rope walker has cut the net down! And he's climbing back up the pole. The stage hands are waving their arms, shouting at him not to do it, but he's ignoring them. Finally one stage hand starts climbing up to bring him back down, but he's too late. The tight-rope walker is already on the platform. Now he's stepping out. He's halfway across. He looks down.

He realizes there's no safety net.

He looks scared. He looks to both platforms, but they're both the same distance away from him. He hesitates one more split second, then a steely resolve comes over him. He turns to go forward, his face set like stone. He takes a step. Another. Then he shifts, his body just slightly out of balance. No one in the crowd is even daring to breathe. The stage hands are all being perfectly still.

He takes another step, again, slightly out of position. He attempts to correct. His arms flail.

But somehow he stays upright. He moves forward again, awkwardly, but with each step he takes he gains more balance back. He's walking easily now. He's going to make it! Finally, he steps onto the platform.

The crowd, remembering to breathe, erupts into cheers.

The fourth part of living an extraordinary life is the simplest to explain, but the hardest to actually do. It doesn't require lots of planning or foresight, it doesn't take a long time or demand lots of help. It just takes a lot of courage. The fourth step is simple: Eliminate your safety net.

If you've been tracking with this guide, you've learned that life is not about you, to dream like everything is possible (because it is), and finally to take some action that will get you closer to your dream.

So now you're on your way. You've hopefully taken some sort of action to start making your dream a reality, and your life has lost some of the dullness. It may even be downright exciting – I hope it is! But there's a trap waiting for you. It may catch you tomorrow, it may be a year from now, but it will catch you unless you do something about it first. The trap is your safety net.

What is your safety net? Your safety net is that thing that you have in the back of your mind that says “Hey, I'm off to a good start. Things are even looking positive. But even if my dream doesn't work out, I always have __________.” It could be a standing job offer, or a skill that you know will get you some work, or a rich relative, or a trust fund that will pay for you to go to school forever. Whatever it is, it's something that you know, something that's comfortable, something that's safe and warm and dull.

How in the world could that be a trap?

It's a trap because as soon as things get difficult or lose their dreamy quality, when the honeymoon wears off and you realize that dreaming is a lot of hard work, the safety net starts to look really easy. I mean really, really easy. Like falling off a log easy. So on one hand you have what feels like a complex task that will require a ton of work for very little immediate reward, and on the other hand you have a defined task that requires very little effort and has a pay check at the end of the week.

Which would you choose?

It's amazing how much the dull gray reality of mediocrity can look so appealing from the outside. But that is not the path for you – for us. We are the select few who want more. We are the elite who demand that life be full and beautiful. We are the extraordinary.

The only way to silence the siren call of the safety net is to eliminate it completely. Make sure it's not an option. Sometimes this requires action, like shredding your resume, or selling your tools, or moving to a completely different place. Other times it is simply a decision that has to be made – not once, but every day.

This is the part that takes the most courage. You don't get to know if your dream will work out before you let go of the part of your life that you know does work (even if you are completely bored and slowly dying in it). It requires a leap of faith. Courage isn't fearlessness, courage is action in spite of fear. In other words, even if you might pee your pants, you're still going for it.

Once your safety net is gone, it forces the best out of you. If there is no Plan B, then you get really creative Plan A. You see new ways of doing things that might not have been there before. You focus. When its do or die, you'll amaze yourself at what you can do. In a word: anything.

And once you've amazed yourself at what you can do, you get to help other people amaze themselves at what they can do, which is the next and final part of the Guide.

Do you have a safety net? Where do you find courage? Respond to this post with a comment of your own!

Jump Off the Edge

The Guide to Extraordinary Living - Part 3

So far, we've found out that life is not about doing what we can to make ourselves happy, and we've learned to dream like we couldn't fail. Hopefully by now you have a glimmering of what your extraordinary life could look like. You might just have a sniff of freedom and you're drooling imagining what it could taste like. Don't worry if you don't have a huge, detailed plan on how to attain that freedom. You don't need to have it all figured out to get a start on it. And don't worry if you do have a huge, detailed plan, because most of it will probably fail and you'll need to find new ways anyhow. The great part is that there's no certainty in adventure, so you can relax and enjoy the ride a little.

So now that you have this small, shiny beginning of a life that goes beyond ordinary, what do you do with it?

This is a dangerous area. What you do next can either make or break you. There are basically two things you can do with a dream (besides ignore it and settle for the ordinary – but if you're reading this far I'm assuming that's not you):

Option 1: You can hide away the dream in like a tiny pet that you're not really supposed to keep. It's home is a shiny journal with artistic illustrations about what your dream will look like when it finally comes, someday. You slip it some food when you think no one is looking, and at night when you're alone you think about what you will do when you finally get a shot at your dream. You show it to your close friends, sometimes, but don't let them touch it – they can see it just fine from there. What you don't know is that the little pet dream will grow into a big, nasty excuse if it's kept like this. Having the dream will allow you to label yourself as a “dreamer” and help you to maintain your great self-image without actually risking anything. You can adopt a superior and put-upon demeanor with anyone who doesn't have “vision” or an “open mind.” You can smack-talk all the little people who live their little lives. All the while still living in the safe, secure drabness that marks an ordinary life, fooling yourself into believing you are doing something.

Option 2: By far the best option. Start right away making it happen. And I mean RIGHT AWAY. Quit your job. Start a business. Move to that country. Join that group. Attend that school. Sell your car or your house or your stuff. Just take a first step toward making the dream a reality. Do something! Narrow it down to something you can do today to get you at least one step closer to living your dream.

Now, there's some stuff that will try to stop you. Mostly excuses, which are just fear in disguise, will attempt to stop you. A great excuse is “But I don't know how! I don't know where to start!” I'm sorry, that's just not true. What you really should say is “But I'm scared to start! I'm comfortable in this drabness and the colors look too bright!”*

Why do I say its an excuse not to know where to start? Because starting is simple. Think about what you want your life to look like, and think about how your life looks now. What's different? Make a list of the things that are different. Now, pick one difference, and think what it would take to go from where you are to where you want to be. And remember, you can't fail. If the first way doesn't work exactly how you thought, you'll be a lot closer to figuring out a way than you were. Just start moving.

Another thing that will try to stop you is the edge. What do I mean, the edge? I mean that sometimes you will have to do something that you can't undo. You'll have to commit fully to a path of action that you can't see to the end of. It may end great, it may end poorly. There's no way to know until you try it. I see this all the time when I work at the Ropes Course. The Giant Swing is a platform almost 30 feet in the air that you jump off of attached to nothing but a 3/8-inch cable. You can't tell if the cable will hold until it's too late to go back. If it doesn't hold, you hit the ground. If it does, you have the ride of your life. You don't get to know until it's too late to change your mind.

The edge for me came when I quit my well-paying job as a salesman. There was comfort and security in a job that I didn't like – hated, even. When I felt called to start something in Portland, there was no way to stay my job and start this Portland thing at the same time. I had to step off the edge and fully entrust myself to the hand of God. I quit my job, moved to Salem, and have been living by faith ever since.

It is definitely a wild ride. Sometimes I think I'm in over my head and everything is going to come crashing down around me, and other times I think that there can't possibly be more beauty and adventure until I'm surprised by more the next day. But no matter what comes, I feel free – absolutely free.

So what is it in your life? Where's the edge for you? It could be quitting a job. It could be starting that conversation. It could be making a phone call. It could be packing everything up and moving across the country, or the world. Whatever it looks like in your life, I highly encourage you to take that magical leap off the edge. You never know, you might just find out you know how to fly...

Of course, in the next part we'll talk about safety nets.

Talkin' Bout Revival! (Can I get an Amen?)

Christians like to talk about revival.

They talk about how they want to see spontaneous salvations. They talk about how they want to see people giving up the life they've been living and following God, going to church, worshiping, etc. They want a miraculous move of God to fall on the city or country that makes everyone, whether hardened atheist or life-long believers to be completely enthralled in the presence of Jesus.

In fact, Christians like to talk about lots of things that they want to happen.

I see them say things like “I want to just shine so much Jesus that the world can't help but wonder what I have.” “I want to live in such a way that people ask me what's different.” “Shine – make them wonder what you've got, make them wish that they were not on the outside looking in.”

And so on.

But I've began to wonder if it's not a slight deception. Maybe the Christians who pray for those things aren't quite sure what they want. I mean, think about it if we talked that way in other areas of life:

At the restaurant:

“I'm just going to have some quiet time with my menu, and really just connect with the thing I want, so much that I won't even have to tell the waitress what I want – she'll just see it all over me.”

At work:

“Instead of sales calls today, I'm just going to enjoy our product so much that complete strangers will walk up to me and ask me what I'm selling.”

At the grocery store:

“I'm going to be so focused on dinner tonight that the ingredients will practically jump off the shelf into my basket.”

At home:

“I want to be so into my family that we completely forget where we even live, and it doesn't matter what house we walk into just as long as we're together.”

At school:

“I want to study so well that the people around me can just feel my knowledge of the subject as I walk down the hall with them.”

It's ludicrous, right? We would never accept things like that in other areas of our life. Why do we in our spiritual walk? It's simple: we're creating an excuse. One big excuse after another.

See, by saying that you're going to be such a perfect example of a love relationship with Jesus that you will attract and draw people in, you've created a double-fault scenario. You can always win, because if – by some miracle - you do end up attracting a non-Christian and winning them over, you can feel all self-righteous and good about how spiritual you are. However, if you fail to attract a non-Christian, then the stupid non-Christian must not have been paying good enough attention or was just a REAL BIG sinner anyways.

The problem with this whole line of reasoning is that it alleviates the church of responsibility. When Jesus was calling us to be the salt of the earth, he wasn't telling us to evenly disperse ourselves and wait for the earth to be devoured. He was telling us to be active change-agents in our friendships, communities, cities, and countries. He even went on to talk about how salt that doesn't do anything is worthless and only fit to be thrown into the road.

I wonder how Jesus would feel about salt that expects the food surrounding it to be intrigued or jealous of the salt and spontaneously turn salty itself.

Anyways, there's a quote by Shane Claiborne that I love: “Most people today would be able to tell you what a Christian believes. But ask them how a Christian lives, and they're stumped.”