Frequently Asked (and Unasked) Questions About Support

In an attempt to share the inside secrets of how I've chosen to live my life in an unconventional way, pursuing an extraordinary adventure, I'm sharing some of the questions that I get asked often, or the questions that I sense some people would like to ask but don't for one reason or another. The whole point is that I'm trying to demonstrate that it is possible, that life doesn't have to be a tedious trek, and to be a model to show that life can be an extraordinary journey. Hopefully it will inspire you to live an extraordinary life of your own flavor.

To that end, here are some of the most questions that have been directed at me, either outright, or (more often) by inferring what people are trying to ask without sounding rude about it.

Why work with a missions organization? Why not a local church or some other organization that pays a salary?

I am passionate about seeing people be set free to live extraordinary lives. I want to seek out people and help them do that. If you think of a tree, the local church would be like the trunk and roots of the tree. Designed to bring depth, stability, and presence. Churches are designed to impact the local area where they are. Missions organizations, on the other hand, are like the branches of a tree – we reach out to places the trunk could never go and plant seeds that hopefully develop into their own trees.

Working in the missions side of things allows me to break out of the local culture. I get to explore the world while I do work that I find meaningful and fulfilling. I get to do the exciting work of seeing lives changed, and the expression that I find most suits my strengths, giftings, and personality is the missions side of it. Also, the work itself is incredibly varied. One day I'm on the ropes course working with at-risk kids, the next day I'm at a business leadership seminar teaching principles of teamwork, the next day (or month) I'm in a college in Asia, teaching English and building relationships. There's always something new around the corner and I can always be excited about what the future holds for me.

Along with that comes a world focus which I personally believe is healthier and more reflective of the Biblical model. Instead of having a nearly obsessive interest in my own country – who's being elected, what kind of sweaters they wear, what kind of sports they play – I have a broader view that takes into account the rest of the world and understands that there are much bigger issues out there than the pettiness that usually dominates the news.

Why Youth With A Mission (YWAM)? Why not another missions organization?

YWAM is the missions organization I started in, and there are very few others that equal the experience of a Discipleship Training School (DTS). The DTS is the most popular and largest course offered by YWAM, and is also the introductory course that you have to take before you staff or take any other courses. It changed my life, definitely ruined me for the ordinary, and I want to provide that chance to other people as well.

YWAM also allows a lot of flexibility and opportunity. Where other organizations place you in a strict hierarchy, YWAM essentially lets you choose what direction you want to go, then provides room for you to go there. It works well as a greenhouse for starting new things because I can be trained, recruit staff, and spread the word to people who would be interested in joining through already existing networks, without having to work my way up the ladder first.

No one in YWAM receives a salary, in fact, no one gets paid. We are all volunteers that raise our own support – everyone from the international president to the guy who washes the dishes. This makes for an awesome work environment because everyone does what they feel is important and what they feel called to. You hardly ever run into the person who is bitter about the job they're doing but stuck there because they have no better opportunities.

What about “tent-making?” Doesn't the Bible say that missionaries should support themselves?

No! When Paul speaks to the Thessalonians about how he supported himself by making tents and selling them, it was to remind them about how shamefully they treated him by not supporting him. He did that only occasionally, and for the specific reason of demonstrating to the people he was teaching that Christians should be the hardest workers of all and not just lounge around (apparently, the Thessalonians had a problem with laziness). In fact, many times Paul encourages the churches to take up offerings for himself or for the apostles in Jerusalem. So the whole point of the tent-making in the first place was as an object lesson to teach the people how they should work hard so that they could support people doing God's work! (See 2 Thessalonians 3:9)

Now, as I've said before, that doesn't mean that I should simply sit back and wait for others to take up my slack. I believe that if God calls me to something, he expects me to do it with my eyes open, engaged in the moment to explore every opportunity to the fullest. If I'm doing the work he's given me well, part of that will be raising funds and occasionally working to make up shortfalls. However, I don't believe God asks people to do two full-time jobs as a lifestyle.

What about “If you don't work, you don't eat?”

You have to remember, this was in the context of the early church where it was considered normal and expected that the believers would give everything they owned to the body of believers and share everything together. In this type of community, there is the possibility that some people could simply be leeches, taking what they needed but never doing anything to contribute. The “don't work, don't eat” policy came about in response to the people who were abusing the generosity of the church. This is exactly why Paul set the example by tent-making, so that he would not encourage the leeches.

I already give to a church.

That's not really a question, but I get where you're coming from. I don't expect people to stop giving to wherever it is they're giving in order to help support me. I simply ask that they give a little extra to me.

Of course, I do have a few qualms about how churches spend their money. Do you really need to rent a donkey for the Christmas pageant? Essentially all of the money that you give to a church goes directly back into the church itself, mostly for the purpose of making it a more comfortable place to be. Of the average dollar put into the offering basket, less than one cent goes towards reaching people who don't know Jesus. So if you do give to a church, make sure that the money you are giving them is going to a worthy cause, and not just a round-a-bout way of buying yourself a better environment to worship in.

I don't have any money to give.

Again, not a question. However, I'll answer it anyway. And my answer is baloney. That's right, baloney. What you really mean is that you don't have any money you want to give.

How can I say that? I don't know you. I don't know what kind of pressure you deal with, or how all the money you have is gone as soon as you open that paycheck. You would be totally generous if you just had a little extra, but you're literally squeezing everything just to make ends meet right now.

Be honest, that's what you're thinking, right?

When people explain circumstances as a way to excuse their behavior, it really just means they like things the way they are and don't want to change. So, the person who says they are “barely making ends meet” still has a home, a television, probably with cable or satellite and a Netflix account, a car or two, maybe a pet (or two or three), and will get Starbucks every other day and buy lunch every time they go to work. Then they complain that their paycheck is gone and doesn't leave any room for them to be generous.

I have bad news for you – if you work for a living and can't afford to be generous you are living selfishly and need to seriously change your lifestyle. I believe wholeheartedly that we are to be sources of life and inspiration in the world instead of simply consumers. So you can't really say you don't have any money, when really you mean you don't have any money that you don't want to spend on yourself.

How much money do you need?

Ha ha, trick question! The real question is how much do I need from you? The answer to that is simple. I don't ever ask anyone to give me anything unless they feel that God is leading them to do so. So if you feel like God is okay with you donating some money, read on. If not, you can skip to the next question or go read some of my other articles.

First, give as much as God tells you! If God didn't give you a specific amount, I would say that somewhere in the neighborhood of $50 per month is a good starting point. If you can afford more, give more! If you can't afford that much, give less! My goal is to have 50 committed supporters at $50 per month for a total of $2500 per month. Currently, I operate on about a third of that (and am loving life doing it!)

What about a one-time gift?

One time gifts are nice, and help out a lot. However, unless you plan to donate a large amount (more than $500), I would honestly rather have you sign up to give monthly. Instead of $500, give just $40 per month for a year.

The thing with one-time donations is that there is no way to plan on them. While trying to make plans that possibly take me 3 or 4 years down the road, I can't take into account one-time gifts simply because of their sporadic nature.

How do I give? What's the system?

The best way to give, and generally the easiest for my supporters, is to have a certain amount deducted every month from a checking account. Generally the most convenient. You need to fill out this form and mail it to me with a voided check.

You can also mail a check at any time to YWAM Salem, specifying in a separate note who the donation is for.

The final way is through the PayPal link at the bottom of the page. One note: this method is not currently tax-deductible. We are working on making it so, but it's still in process.

7 Reasons to Give to Me

Like this bridge, I require a lot of different kinds of support.

Living an extraordinary life supported by others sounds like a nearly impossible dream. In the last article I detailed why it is important to give money away – now I'm going to speak specifically about my situation and why people might choose to support me.

There are a few reasons people would donate to keep me afloat:

1. They believe in what I'm doing.
   I feel like I have the most awesome job in the world. I get to see people's lives transformed and then watch them go out and change the world. There is nothing more exciting than to be on the front lines of making the world a better place to live. This spring we will have another group of students learning to be world-changers. Every day I think that every person would want to be a part of this if they could. Most people who support me fall into this category.
   
   
2. They want to do something outside of themselves.
   Giving away money is one of the best ways to keep what's really important in perspective – especially when you don't get anything out of it. Like I've been saying: Extraordinary lives begin when you determine to become a source of the good things in life instead of simply a consumer of them. Many people give to me because they want to do good in this world.
   
   
3. The work is important, and it's not getting done.
   Although there are many, many Christians in the world, there are still many people (approximately 30%!) who have never had the chance to hear and respond to the gospel. This is the greatest tragedy the world has faced, since it is preventable and avoidable, but the church has been largely self-serving and has not made a concentrated effort to reach the unreached. It's time to end that.
   
   
4. They want to do something but can't because of their schedule or job.
   This group essentially outsources the things they would do to me. They're saying “We would love to do what you're doing but can't for one reason or another, but want to send you in our place.” These are people I love to partner with because they are eager to hear the things that happen in my work and share the same passions I do.
   
   
5. They believe in me.
   This group of people would support me no matter what I did (like my Mom). They generally don't question what I do so much, they just know that they're happy to contribute to my overall health and well-being.
   
   
6. They understand a Biblical call to generosity.
   Both the old and new testaments implicitly and explicitly state that followers of God should be generous. Not just a call to obedience, but a real understanding of the excitement and joy that comes from being able to give someone some money. God desires interdependence among believers, and being generous with money is a big first step towards that goal.
   
   
7. They want the tax deduction.
   To be honest, I don't think anyone who gives to me does it solely for the tax benefits, but it is part of the equation for some.

Obviously that's not exhaustive. I don't presume to know every reason why people donate to me, since I'm not them. But that does cover the major reasons. In the next few days I'll post the final article in this series – the one that covers the more obscure questions I've gotten about living on support.

Why Would Anyone Give Away Money?

Living on support requires two things: someone willing to live on support, and people willing to support them. So, an obvious question that comes up is why people should give away money – at all, to anyone. Not just me. So, continuing my series of articles about living on support, here is the big answer to the big question:

Why should you donate money? Why not just keep it all to yourself? After all, you earned it.

Yes, you did earn the money you have. You do have any right to do with it whatever you would like to. However, there are several very good reasons to be generous with your money.

1. Being generous frees you from the influence of money. Let's face it, money is intoxicating. If all you want is to reach a point where you don't need any more money, you will never reach it. No matter how much you have, you will always want more, or know someone who has more. I've known a multimillionaire who was one of the most greedy people I've encountered. I've also met some poor people who seemed more content and happy than I thought was possible. Wealth is an illusion, and all the money in the world can't satisfy your need for more. The only way to break free of the addicting power is to start giving money away. Intentionally putting money into something that will not benefit you directly is one of the most powerful things a person can do to make their life better and more exciting.

2. Giving money allows you to be involved in something you otherwise couldn't be.

Many times we would like to do things to make a difference in the world. But try as we might, we are only one person and can only do so much. If you are someone who has a job, you probably have a job for an honorable reason – like supporting your family, or driving the economy, or because you don't want to live with your parents (If you don't have a good reason for having a job other than paying the rent, maybe you should seriously re-evaluate the choices you're making). Earning money, however, has this ability to consume nearly everything you do, so that by the time you're done working and earning the money you have very little time to give to something that you feel is truly worthwhile and meaningful. That's where giving comes in. Not everyone can just quit their job. I get that. However, they can donate some of the energy that they use working on that job to a cause they believe in by giving some money to it. That way they are still participating, still doing the work of world-changing, just in an outsourced kind of way. It's a partnership: one person works a job so he can earn money, but is unable to do any sort of work helping others; another works helping others but is unable to receive any pay for it. By working together, both of their goals are accomplished.

3. There is a huge payoff in giving money away.

Financially, you will never see that money again. You can kiss it good-bye. However, emotionally and spiritually, there is a huge reward. You get the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing something honorable. You get the pleasure of knowing that you are making a difference, not just being a leech on the planet. You get to have relationships with people who are on the front lines. You become a source of good instead of just a receptacle for it. In the end, it simply feels great. That's an awesome reason.

4. You can.

This one seems so simple. If we could somehow shrink the world down to one dinner table, we in the western world would be astounded at how grossly we gorge ourselves while the rest of the world has to make due with the bare minimums. I'm not saying that we should equally re-distribute wealth. I'm simply saying that it becomes less important to upgrade to the new 120 Mhz high definition monitor when you consider that there are young people selling themselves into unspeakably hellish situations because they don't see any other means of surviving. Life is not about how much you can cause to flow towards yourself. It's about flowing outwards, creating life instead of simply consuming it.

5. God asks us to.
   If you're a Christian, this is a basic part of your belief system. (If you're not a Christian, I highly recommend it!) However, Biblical generosity is not simply 10% - that's just the bare minimum (and if you really want to get into it, the 10% amount is questionable – more like 24-30% in the Old Testament). True Biblical generosity is about giving everything that you have and everything that you are, laying down your rights and your very life to do what God wants in this world. Giving 10% to a church is a far cry from the radical generosity God calls us to.

So, you up for the challenge of giving up some money? In the next few days I'll tell you why you should give to me, and answer some other pressing questions about tent-making, missions vs. church, and others!

Why Live On Support?

Living on Support is a lot like crowd surfing.

Why should you care about the reasons I live the way I live? 

 It's simple, really. I hope that by modeling a life that is uncommon and extraordinary, I will inspire others to change the world by living extraordinary lives as well. By explaining my reasons for living the way I do, it might inspire you to a life that is extraordinary but looks completely different than mine. Also, some of you might be considering being a part of the small army of people it takes to support me, and this might help you make sense of how this whole thing works. I'm doing a few posts about living on support and what that means.

I start talking about support, and invariably I get this look that communicates a few things. Namely, that I'm crazy. Also, that I'm selfish. Also, that I'm crazy. Seriously, seriously, crazy. I mean, who just stops working and asks other people who are working to support their lifestyle? How is that even possible? Why would that be okay?

To begin to answer the question of why I would live off of support, I first have to clarify just a bit. I'm not actually living off of supporters; technically, I'm living off the providence of God. I'm doing what I feel he's called me to, and I believe that he is the one giving me the means to do what he has asked me to. Ultimately, I do what I do whether people donate to me or not. Yes, the people who donate money to me are giving to me, but with the idea that they are doing it because they themselves are being obedient to what God has called them to do. By being obedient with the money God has given them, they are in effect giving it to God, who is giving it back to me. I realize that saying that when people give to me they give to God might sound a little arrogant, and I probably would agree that it does, if I didn't live in the same way. I am in the same boat as my supporters – meaning that I am obedient with the money that I receive. I will often give to worthy people and causes as God calls me to. I realize it's a fine point, but the distinction is important.

But why would I live that way? 

 Why not work and do ministry on the side? Wouldn't a legitimate missions organization pay their missionaries? Why not work at a church? These are all good questions, and usually pretty typical.

Essentially, it comes down to a few basics. 

1. I do what I do full time, usually more than 40 hours per week, and put everything I have into it. Getting a second job, even a part-time job, is something that could be done but is not a viable long-term solution. I've worked 60 plus hours per week before, and being so busy with so many things on my plate makes it nearly impossible to do any of them well.
2. I believe it's closer to a Biblical model than many other forms of employment today. If you examine the Bible, you will see that a basic theme is that we are to be interdependent on one another. We are not to be codependent, which is a form of validating unhealthy habits in one another. But neither are we designed to be independent, self-sustaining people who need nothing and give nothing. I think meeting each others physical and spiritual needs is the most basic tenet of Christian life.
3. I'm being obedient. If this is where God has called me, this is where I'll be. Whether or not there is money, I'm going to keep doing what I believe God has asked me until it's either impossible or I die trying. Now, obviously God hasn't asked me to close me eyes and cover my ears and just keep charging forward without understanding my surroundings, the pitfalls and opportunities. I think that when God calls people to something, he expects them to work as hard as they can to do the best they possibly can using every possible resource. In this case, fund-raising lets me continue being obedient longer than if I just did nothing.

So that's the basics of why I live off of support. There are more pointed questions, like why I work for someplace that doesn't pay a salary, why I don't “tent-make”, and how much I really need anyway. I will be answering those and more in an upcoming post.

What Support?

There's plenty more where that came from...

You may not know this, but I'm not employed. I don't have someone who tells me to do things, then pays me for doing them. This works for me, since I generally find that people only pay other people to do things that they would rather not do, which means that they're going to be boring, disgusting, insulting, embarrassing, or otherwise distasteful. So, I have the huge benefit of being able to do something that I think is incredibly important and valuable.

I feel blessed that I get to be someone who does something I love. Of course, it's not all sunshine and roses. There is a huge drawback to pursuing this lifestyle: money. Well, lack of money, really. I don't get paid for anything that I do. Not one cent. I work all day, I give out and I pour into people's lives, but receive no financial compensation for it.

But wait, if you work all day at a job that you don't get paid for, how do you live? What about your rent? What about your groceries? What about clothes? What about – wait, you do use toilet paper, don't you?

No worries – I do pay rent, I buy groceries, wear clothes, and use toilet paper. And I do have to buy all those things myself. Where does the money come from? It comes from people who donate to me. Yep, that's right. All the money I spend in a month comes from people who give it to me out of the goodness of their hearts.

Amazingly, there are quite a few people out there who want to donate to someone like me. Unfortunately for me, I don't know very many of them. I'm always looking for people who have generous hearts, who are willing to invest into something that they won't get immediate returns from, and who understand that giving away money can be incredibly rewarding.

Being generous was something that I learned from a young age. I was always taught to give 10% of my income away – usually to church, but not necessarily. I found that there was something strange that happened when I stopped thinking about all the things I could get for myself with my allowance and instead let the money go somewhere I would never get it back. It didn't feel like I lost it. Instead, I felt like all was right with the world. There was a certain sense of being solid – of being real. I found that, though it was difficult, I could actually enjoy giving money away.

Of course, as I got older and started to have a “career,” things changed. I found that most of my money was already spent as soon as I got it. I still had a generous mindset, but when that check came it got divvied up into bills, groceries, gas, and every other little category. I found that if I wasn't intentional - if I didn't create space in my budget specifically for giving money away - it didn't happen. Even worse, often there were times I wanted to give towards some person or cause, and I just didn't have any money left and couldn't do it.

The more I looked at this, the more I realized that I wasn't spending my money wisely. If I was serious about changing the world by encouraging people to live extraordinary lives, then I needed to start putting my money where my mouth was. I decided that investing in people would be the best investment I could make. Not necessarily because it would generate huge returns directly to me, but because I would be making the world as a whole a better place.

When I started giving money away, I found that it brought me so much joy. The days that I hated my job and wanted to simply walk out of the office, never to return were tempered by the fact that I knew I would be able to help support some people who were doing real good in the world. It was the one thing about my job that really made me happy.

Of course, now I'm on the other side of the fence. I'm the one living off of other people's generosity. Sometimes, I feel a little awkward asking people for money. I mean, it's a little like begging, right? Most days, however, I remember what it felt like to be able to give, to have that chance to make a difference, and I remember what an honor it is. Then I think to myself: why not give everyone this opportunity?

I'm going to do a few posts about money, living off support, and the rationale and philosophy behind it. Hopefully it will be funny and encouraging, while at the same time inspiring you to be generous (or more generous) in your own life.

Boredom

Boredom.

I've entered a period of life where my day to day activities are pretty routine. You might even call them boring. Now, I'm usually one who does everything I can to avoid being bored – like most people, I would imagine. Boredom seems like it can sneak up on me, but I know that there are several places I'm sure to encounter it.

For me, I get bored when I do the dishes. It's a brainless, repetitive task that requires almost no thought. But not so little thought that I can just check out to my happy place (where I happen to be an awesome ninja-poet who can conquer hordes of evil-doers and get the girl every time). No, if I check out to my happy place I'll spend the time to wash the dishes only to find little bits of crusted-on food that may or may not come off after repeated attempts. My mind has to be engaged in what I'm doing, otherwise the image of being a super-powerful ninja comes faces-to-face with the harsh reality that I can't even do the dishes very well.

Of course, I used to get really bored when I had to work in a cubicle. I remember some times when I would have to make a phone call, then another phone call, then another phone call. I was in one of those soul-sucking environments where you have to make 150-200 phone calls per day. I would literally have to force myself to dial the numbers, all the while thinking “I wish something would happen. Maybe the power will go out, or the phones will stop working. Maybe this number isn't another construction company, but a secret number for a government agency that is responsible for training super-spies. Maybe I'll get sick and go home. Sigh.”

And now, I find myself bored occasionally as well. Even though I've made the decision to leave all traces of a conventional lifestyle behind and embraced a life of adventure, I will still find myself bored from time to time. Ironically, part of this is by choice. I don't have a TV, so the usual number one place to turn when I'm bored is off the table. I also live in Oregon, so the weather usually precludes anything outside unless I feel like getting freezing cold and as wet as a dog at a cat-fish catching competition. Even though my life is headed in the direction I want it to, even though I am excited about what I get to do and the people I work with, I still find myself in moments of boredom.

But the more I experience boredom, the more I've started to learn some things about it. I've noticed that my first tendency is to try as hard as I can to quench the boredom, with almost anything at all. Books, magazines, the internet. Yes, the internet is a powerful tool. It also is a deep rabbit hole of pointless wastes of time known as flash games. It's amazing how much time I can spend trying to think of different ways to kill a pixelated elephant just to avoid that strange hollow feeling of boredom. In its own way, it's like a drug.

Of course, the more I thought about, the more I began to see that it really is an addiction. You can get your fix for boredom from a bunch of different dealers: movies, games, music, television, books, concerts, restaurants, theaters – the list goes on and on. I realized that I am actually addicted to entertainment. An entertainment-aholoic. Or alcoholo-tainmentist? Whatever, I can't go even one day without being entertained. When I look around, I see that most people are in the same situation I am. And honestly, most of the things we use to try to slake our thirst for entertainment are barely passable facades. Reality TV? Does that really entertain? No, it just distracts enough from the dreaded emptiness of boredom. But don't bore me with the details, just give me my entertainment – I don't care if it's hollow or vapid, it's fun!

I'm a junkie. There's no other way to say it. I have an addiction that I just can't break.

Not like I'm alone. I would say that, with the exception of a few rare souls, most people in this world are addicted to entertainment. Once, in South Africa, I knew a girl who lived in a shack that I wouldn't even store my lawn-mower in (if I had one). And in this shack that had no insulation, a roof that leaked, and barely enough room for a single bed that she shared with her one-year-old daughter, she had satellite TV (Ironically, she asked if I lived in a house like the people in “The OC” did). I can travel the world and find that the only thing I have in common with people is that we've seen the same movies. Yes, this addiction is certainly wide-spread.

But I've discovered something. If I don't stifle my boredom as soon as I feel the faintest tingling of it approaching, if I don't try to bury it in the nearest available entertainment, then something strange starts to happen. I find that my mind kicks in. It doesn't want to be bored, either. Almost like it says to itself, “Well, I guess my break's over. Back to work!” And then an incredible thing starts to happen: my mind starts to grow and expand. I find myself generating new ideas, thinking through new strategies, breaking out of old thought habits. I actually find myself growing.

Creativity, motivation, inspiration – it all comes flowing back. Tasks like writing that were so difficult and mundane before suddenly become exciting and full of life because the ideas just flow out of me. Almost as if all I've been waiting for is a break from entertainment long enough to actually think an original thought. It's like boredom is the gateway to creativity. Maybe my brain is so desperate for entertainment that it starts generating its own. Some people say that necessity is the mother of invention, I say that boredom must be it's father.

If you've embarked on your own Extraordinary journey, you may have caught onto this already. We're not built to have everything flow inward, to us. We're built to flow outward, to give to those around us and enrich their lives by expending our own. The crazy part about that is that the more we help people - the more we spend ourselves giving to others - the better we feel and the more we experience being alive.

So that's my challenge. Next time you start to feel bored, don't reach for the remote. Don't dive into the latest video game, or best-seller, or Facebook, or whatever (even a really cool blog that you can't wait to share with everyone you know). Let yourself feel it a little. You never know what a little time spent being bored could spark in your life – it might just change the world.

Don't Call Me Mr. Mom (or: Look, I'm Not Your Father)

So recently I've made a transition in my life. I've gone from a job where I leave the house every morning and work usually all day, to a job where I stay at the house all day watching my two kids. This is definitely what they refer to as a “major” shift. The jobs are not at all similar. On the ropes course, I was constantly helping people overcome their fear, learn new things about themselves, do what they didn't think they could do, and generally showing people a good time. At home, I change diapers, constantly help people do simple, everyday tasks, and generally try to avoid frustration.

I don't have a hard time with this type of transition. Really, I tend to look at life like it's one big adventure and this is a new and exciting experience for me. So when my wife asks me if I'm really going to be okay watching the kids all day, doing laundry, cleaning the house, and making dinner, my response is an enthusiastic yes. I believe that life is full of surprises if you're willing to do something outside of the ordinary. Who knows, I may be a master chef, or the world's best vacuum operator, or incredibly skilled at separating the whites from the darks. You never know what kind of hidden skills you have, and if you never try anything different, you'll never find out, right?

No, the transition has actually been a piece of cake. The part that I have a hard time with is people's reactions to me. I live in a community (it's really the way to go), so most people have a fairly good idea about my living situation, which is another way of saying that nothing is ever a secret – not that I want to keep anything secret, I'm just saying that even if I did, it would be impossible. Now, the people who surround me are overwhelmingly friendly and supportive, but for some reason this particular role that I hold right now has triggered an automatic response from nearly everyone I run into. The response that I'm referring to is this:

“Hey, how's it going Mr. Mom?”

Seriously. Mr. Mom. I mean, if we lived in the early 1940's I think I could understand this reaction somewhat. Maybe if it was 1983 and this movie had just been released, or I lived in some part of the deep South where tradition never dies, or I in some sort of freaky alternate universe where the women's lib movement had never happened, I think I might understand that reaction. But I don't. Everywhere I go, it's the same question over and over again, to the point that I start to think someone must be playing a practical joke on me, except that it would be impossible in a community like this because of the aforementioned inability to keep a secret.

“Hey there, Mr. Mom.”

“Oh, here comes Mr. Mom and the kids!”

“Busy day, Mr. Mom?”

“So, how's Mr. Mom doing?”

Annoying, huh? But it got me thinking. How often do people actually consider what they say? I think that most times, they say what they think is going to make them look good. I know I do. So instead of saying something that will be meaningful to me, and make me feel good and important, they instead spout the first thing that comes to mind that they think makes them look clever, or funny, or interesting.

The crazy thing about it is that this sort of thing has been happening my entire life. By virtue of having the name Luke, and also being born in the same millennium that Star Wars came out, every single person who meets me thinks that they need to say the same joke: “Oh, Luke, huh? I am your father! Ha ha ha ha ha!” Of course, my face is either completely blank or has a fake smile plastered on. I have heard that joke probably 754,212 times in my life. But literally every person who says it to me thinks that they are the first one who thought of it.*

Not that I really blame all these people. I mean, I understand the pressure. I find myself in this position all the time – saying something I don't truly mean or wouldn't say normally just because I think it might be the funniest or most interesting thing to say at the moment. Essentially what comes out of my mouth is what I assume will make me look good. But in one of life's funny twists, the things that I say when I am solely worried about making myself look good end up making me look ridiculous.

And you, too. You look ridiculous when you are worried about how you look. Don't call me Mr. Mom. And you're definitely not my father.

*Ironically enough, my own father has never made this joke – a fact that I am extremely thankful for.

Take Someone with You

The Guide To Extraordinary Living - Part 5

I'm going to start by making a bunch of assumptions. I like assumptions, because they conform to my own little image of what's true very nicely. The assumptions I'm going to make are: 1) You've read the previous five articles on Extraordinary Living. If you haven't, start here. 2) That you are serious about living outside of an ordinary life. 3) That you've begun to dream big dreams and act on them, forgetting everything else. 4) That you think I'm awesome and are re-posting this blog all over facebook and twitter.

Well, hopefully you've done at least number four if nothing else.

The final step is less of a step, really, than it is a reminder of something to do along the way. In Part 1 we came to the conclusion that we need to be doing something that is outside of ourselves, that is bigger than us, and that is focused on other people. Otherwise, it's all just another take on padding our drab little cell. In Part 5 we bring that full circle. The fifth step of an extraordinary life is to take others with you.

You didn't want to keep all this awesomeness to yourself, did you?

If you are truly living extraordinarily, this should be happening to some degree already. There are two reasons that “Taking someone with you” is a separate step all on its own. On reason is that you need to be intentional with this, or it won't happen. There have been many examples throughout history of people who broke out, did great things, and then watched them fall apart because nobody was there to carry the vision after they got too old or too tired or too dead to do it themselves. The other reason is because you can't do it on your own anyways.

This happens all the time on our ropes course. We have a low obstacle course, and the goal is to get across a series of ropes, bridges, logs, and cables without touching the ground. Invariably, people will look at it, try to do it themselves, and fall flat on their faces. After trying several times they'll look at me and say “This is impossible, isn't it?” To which I reply “It's only impossible if you try to do it yourself.” That's when the lights go on and they go get help from a teammate.

That's what you need. A teammate. In fact, you need a whole team of teammates.

But immediately you will run into a dilemma. The dilemma is that there are just not that many people who are ready and waiting to break out of their box into the un-comfort and un-safety of an extraordinary life. If they were ready, they would have already jumped that fence and would be busy pursuing their own dream. You may be able to recruit a few of those people, and if you can catch them go for it, but on the whole they're a rare breed and you'll be lucky just to connect with them.

So who are you left with? The people who don't want to break out. Those who are content to stay inside their own little world of comfort and security. If you enlist their help without first helping them step into extraordinary life, then you run the risk of manipulating them and using them for your own personal gain.

So what can you do? Make your dream their dream. The best way to find people is to inspire them. Start talking about your big dream to anyone who will listen. Start sharing how it will change the world. Start informing people about how they can be a big part of what's going to happen. Inspiration literally means to breathe life into someone. You can be the breath of fresh air that awakens someone's heart. You can be the one to set people free.

Remember how great you felt when you broke out of your box? When the gray walls fell and you saw the fullness and richness that life can hold? Remember how excited you were, and how you felt like there was nothing that was impossible, how you could have reached out and grabbed the sun in your bare hands? Now imagine what its like to see that same light breaking over your friend's face, knowing that it was your love and dedication that helped them get there.

There's nothing better.

Now, none of this will never happen if you keep your dream all bottled up inside where no one can feel it. Let it out. Be courageous. Fight back against that tiny voice that tells you that you're not good enough, not strong enough, or not whatever enough. Tell that voice that it's not in control any longer. Stand up and join the ranks of those who dare to be great. Dare to live beyond comfort. Dare to live outside predictability. Dare to live an extraordinary life.

The Postmodern Evangelist Monologues

This came out of my musings about evangelism, purity, post-modernism, the church, and some other stuff. Hopefully there's something here to challenge pretty much anyone.

PART I:

Don't talk to me about purity. I know all about the kind of purity that you're peddling.

No thanks.

Seriously, leave me alone.

You just want to talk? Well...fine, I have a few minutes. Yeah, I can go sit down over there. But I'm telling you, I don't want what you have. Why? Because I can already describe it for you.

How would I describe it?

Are you sure you want to hear this?

Okay, fine. First of all, I don't believe the same things that you do. No, not just the stuff about what you should and shouldn't do – even though I do think that's a bunch of bull – but I mean the deeper things that you probably haven't even thought about. For example, I don't believe there's a God. I don't believe that the world was “created” at some point 10,000 years ago. I sure as hell don't believe that a bunch of fairy tales written by a bunch of white guys hundreds of years ago has any meaning to me today. See, I don't believe that, but you still want to tell me how to live.

Here's some problems that I have with you. Yes, you and everyone you represent. You don't open your eyes and look around. Science has made our lives much better than religion ever did. We don't need some god-fantasy to explain why things are the way they are. We've figured it out, and it doesn't have anything to do with some all-powerful angry guy in the sky. But it doesn't matter what we discover, or what new things people figure out, because you people all keep saying the same thing over and over: “Do this! Don't do that!” I swear, as soon as we find something to make everyone a little bit happier, all the Christians come out in force to say how terrible it is and how we should keep it away from everyone, especially the kids. Open your eyes! The world is changing out there.

Another thing that really bothers me about you guys is that you don't understand all the harm that religious-types have done over the years. Like I said, science is making our lives better all the time, but for the 2000 years that religion ruled the world, all you basically did was kill each other. I know – I know it wasn't you, but just like you're doing now, you try to pass that off as “someone else” and that it's not your fault, never realizing that you're running your own crusades right now. What about democrats, or environmentalists, or the whole homosexual community? I swear, if your churches had the power it would be Auschwitz all over again. It makes me wonder what you would do if you didn't have anyone to hate.

And then here you come to me, a complete stranger, and try to start telling me how to live. Don't you get that this is the same thing? You're running a little “Crusade” right now. All you're doing is showing how little you actually care about me. In fact, you're sitting there trying to tell me to turn my whole life around as if you even know how I live or what kinds of things I do on a day to day basis. Hell, I would be willing to bet that my life looks more “Christian” than yours does – minus the whole trying to convert people thing. I volunteer, I'm involved with charities, I do things to make an impact on my world, and I recycle. It's not like I'm some sort of twisted psycho who needs a saint to come down from heaven to help me see the error of my ways. But you don't even care, do you? You would rather I conform to your image of what it looks like to be “pure,” no matter what I'm doing right now. You just want me to jump through the hoops that your pastor holds up for me.

And that, I think, is the worst thing of all for me. The fact that you come in here, don't even try to understand me or get to know me in any way, and immediately demand a performance out of me whether I want to go there or not. You don't even know me, how could you possibly care about me? You're not interested in me, you're interested in getting some notch on your Bible, or in proving how right you are, or something. I don't care really. All I know is that the last thing on earth I would ever want to do is be like you, or buy in to what you stand for.

Like I said, no thanks.

PART II:

Look, most of what you've heard about me is probably wrong. In fact, right now you're not even responding to me, you're responding to all the negative stereo-types that have been slapped on me by people who make a living sensationalizing things. If you can set those things aside, just temporarily, I think that you might like to hear what I have to say.

Just give me a minute, let me explain myself.

I'll keep it short. And I'll buy you a coffee.

First off, let me explain that I'm not trying to change your behavior. That might happen, yes, but that's not the goal. I don't want to be the one that tells you how you should behave. Honestly, who would want to do that? I have enough problems just figuring this thing out for myself, there's no way I would want to have to figure it out for someone else. The way you behave is your own business, and if you want to do something I think you should just go and do it.

I get that you think that I'm totally irrelevant in a world with science and answers and shiny new things. But what has all that gotten us, really? Sure, people have bigger houses, we live longer, and we have 500 channels on TV, but is anyone really fulfilled? Are you fulfilled? I find that most people struggle through life just hoping to find something that will instill some spark, some joy inside of them that proves that they're really alive, not just surviving. Sure, you paint a happy image of life in TV commercials, but in the real world you're bored and looking for something to inspire you, not just entertain.

At some level, you realize all this which is why you end up throwing it all away and saying that no one knows anything for sure and that the most anyone can hope for is to attain their own happiness. You blindly claim that since science has failed then there is no absolute truth, and each person makes their own truth. You let everyone make their own choices. That's you're new reality, that choice is the only ultimate good. Not everyone will choose the same, but so what? What's good for them might not be good for you, but you're not them so you can't decide. Even though you can plainly see that the choices some people make cause them to be thoroughly unhappy, and possibly even suffering, you don't help them because you don't want to violate their sacrosanct choice. You fear control so much that you reject all types of control, and by doing so you sever the very hand you would use to help people who need it.

No, don't get me wrong. You're sympathetic. Probably more than me in a lot of ways. You feel what those people are feeling. You hang out with them. You cry with them. You even march for them. But when it comes down to doing anything, you have no ability. You can't help them because you can't tell them what to do, because you're so afraid of becoming an oppressor. So you're stuck – always wanting to do more, never knowing how.

Ultimately, you're lost.

The only solution you have is to lash out at people who do claim to have an answer – me – who you perceive as an oppressor. Which I'm okay with, really. You can think what you like about me. All I'm trying to tell you is that I've found it. The spark, the life, the inspiration. The thing that TV-commercial families act like they have. I don't claim to understand it completely, but I absolutely want to share it. See, you think I'm here to condemn you and force you to change, when really I'm here to share with you the one thing I think everyone is looking for. I haven't yet found someone who wasn't interested in being more alive. If you're not looking for life – and I mean the knock-down-drag-out-full-in-your-face kind of life – then fine, I'll let you on your way. You can even call me narrow-minded. But if it is something that you want, maybe it's worth at least taking a look at.

Eliminate Your Safety Net

The Guide to Extraordinary Living - Part 4

The entire auditorium is holding it's breath. The only lights are shining almost too brightly on one figure, suspended high in the air between two poles. He takes a step. Another. Then he shifts, his body just slightly out of balance. The entire crowd has a sharp intake of breath. The tight-rope walker tries to move forward, but his previous missed step left him out of position. He attempts to correct, but ends up over-calculating and his arms fly out, wheeling helplessly as he totters over and falls.

The crowd watches in disbelief, every heart stopped.

Then the lights come up, and we see him land safely in the tightly-stretched safety net. He bounces a few times, then picks himself up and heads over to the base of the pole for another try. The Ringleader announces that he will be okay – but wait! What's this? The tight-rope walker is demanding that they lower the safety net. He animatedly speaks with the stage hands, who look to the Ringleader for permission.

Suddenly the net falls to the ground. The tight-rope walker has cut the net down! And he's climbing back up the pole. The stage hands are waving their arms, shouting at him not to do it, but he's ignoring them. Finally one stage hand starts climbing up to bring him back down, but he's too late. The tight-rope walker is already on the platform. Now he's stepping out. He's halfway across. He looks down.

He realizes there's no safety net.

He looks scared. He looks to both platforms, but they're both the same distance away from him. He hesitates one more split second, then a steely resolve comes over him. He turns to go forward, his face set like stone. He takes a step. Another. Then he shifts, his body just slightly out of balance. No one in the crowd is even daring to breathe. The stage hands are all being perfectly still.

He takes another step, again, slightly out of position. He attempts to correct. His arms flail.

But somehow he stays upright. He moves forward again, awkwardly, but with each step he takes he gains more balance back. He's walking easily now. He's going to make it! Finally, he steps onto the platform.

The crowd, remembering to breathe, erupts into cheers.

The fourth part of living an extraordinary life is the simplest to explain, but the hardest to actually do. It doesn't require lots of planning or foresight, it doesn't take a long time or demand lots of help. It just takes a lot of courage. The fourth step is simple: Eliminate your safety net.

If you've been tracking with this guide, you've learned that life is not about you, to dream like everything is possible (because it is), and finally to take some action that will get you closer to your dream.

So now you're on your way. You've hopefully taken some sort of action to start making your dream a reality, and your life has lost some of the dullness. It may even be downright exciting – I hope it is! But there's a trap waiting for you. It may catch you tomorrow, it may be a year from now, but it will catch you unless you do something about it first. The trap is your safety net.

What is your safety net? Your safety net is that thing that you have in the back of your mind that says “Hey, I'm off to a good start. Things are even looking positive. But even if my dream doesn't work out, I always have __________.” It could be a standing job offer, or a skill that you know will get you some work, or a rich relative, or a trust fund that will pay for you to go to school forever. Whatever it is, it's something that you know, something that's comfortable, something that's safe and warm and dull.

How in the world could that be a trap?

It's a trap because as soon as things get difficult or lose their dreamy quality, when the honeymoon wears off and you realize that dreaming is a lot of hard work, the safety net starts to look really easy. I mean really, really easy. Like falling off a log easy. So on one hand you have what feels like a complex task that will require a ton of work for very little immediate reward, and on the other hand you have a defined task that requires very little effort and has a pay check at the end of the week.

Which would you choose?

It's amazing how much the dull gray reality of mediocrity can look so appealing from the outside. But that is not the path for you – for us. We are the select few who want more. We are the elite who demand that life be full and beautiful. We are the extraordinary.

The only way to silence the siren call of the safety net is to eliminate it completely. Make sure it's not an option. Sometimes this requires action, like shredding your resume, or selling your tools, or moving to a completely different place. Other times it is simply a decision that has to be made – not once, but every day.

This is the part that takes the most courage. You don't get to know if your dream will work out before you let go of the part of your life that you know does work (even if you are completely bored and slowly dying in it). It requires a leap of faith. Courage isn't fearlessness, courage is action in spite of fear. In other words, even if you might pee your pants, you're still going for it.

Once your safety net is gone, it forces the best out of you. If there is no Plan B, then you get really creative Plan A. You see new ways of doing things that might not have been there before. You focus. When its do or die, you'll amaze yourself at what you can do. In a word: anything.

And once you've amazed yourself at what you can do, you get to help other people amaze themselves at what they can do, which is the next and final part of the Guide.

Do you have a safety net? Where do you find courage? Respond to this post with a comment of your own!